Written by: Deborah Cartisser
You’ve found a partner, built a life together and now you’re thinking about moving in together. Before you get to all the fun decisions like where to live, and how to furnish your space, spend some time discussing how you will merge your money. Combining finances can be one of the most emotionally charged and practically complex decisions a couple makes. It involves trust, transparency, and, above all, communication. And yet, many couples dive into shared expenses or joint accounts without ever having a clear conversation about what it means for their relationship, their values, or their future. It’s best if you start talking before you have the moving van booked. So how do you navigate it with clarity and confidence?
Start by talking about your desire for a shared foundation. Why are you taking this step? Have your conversation revolve around planning together rather than control. These are some of the questions you will eventually want to discuss.
How do you each approach money, spending, and saving? If you haven’t read it, I suggest you go to our website and look for the Money Personalities article to understand some basic propensities towards money. Understanding how you approach money and how your partner views it is a good starting point that will help you to understand some issues that could affect you as you move forward together. Some of this is practical, involving your behavior and a big part of it is emotional. Understanding each component will help you approach this in a way that serves you both. If you are a diligent saver who prefers to work the sales rack when you shop and you are moving in with a compulsive spender, you may want to set up your finances to protect you from acquiring debt that isn’t yours.
What are your goals? What are your shared financial goals, both long and short-term. This can be a fun facet of the conversation. What do you both want separately and together? Your goals set the tone for financial decisions you will be making as a couple. Do you really want to go away for a long weekend when you are saving to buy a house? Goals help you develop a framework for understanding what tradeoffs are involved in your decisions.
What’s Your Current Financial Situation? Start this as an exploration about your ideas, your plans for the future, and how you go about managing your finances now. Then start wading into deeper water where you ultimately spell out the details of what you have, what you own, and how you spend and save. We all have financial baggage, both literal and emotional. Share everything from the debt you hold, the credit cards you use, and how you save. By starting this conversation at a time when you aren’t feeling financial stress, you can be open and objectively plan together. If you wait to talk until after something has happened, like a job loss or after finding an unpaid bill, you may have a more emotionally charged conversation. Identify the issues that you have to plan around, such as one partner earns more, has far more debt than the other or one of you has other obligations like alimony. If you don’t understand the full financial picture, you can’t really make informed decisions together. Once you start to identify what your particular issues are, you can come up with a plan that works for you both.
Will Combining Your Finances Benefit You? Discuss the up and down sides to combining finances. Be mindful of negative emotions that arise in your discussion and identify the “why” behind them. You need to address the thoughts or beliefs behind the emotions. If you are uncomfortable giving up control, you need to factor that in to a plan. Money will bring up feelings and you need to be comfortable addressing them together. Prevent financial infidelity from entering your relationship by opting for objectivity and reserving judgment.
Three options for combining your money:
• Joint Accounts – Pooling all finances into shared accounts.
• Separate Accounts – Maintain individual accounts.
• Hybrid Approach – Combine finances for shared expenses while keeping individual accounts for personal spending.
Once your method is chosen, set agreements on how to manage the combined finances. This includes deciding on how much you will each contribute to joint accounts, budgeting for shared expenses, and setting spending limits. How will you handle existing debt? Discussing this regularly helps address concerns as they take place and ensures both partners stay aligned.
After agreeing on the structure, put your plan into action. Set up your joint accounts. Determine who will manage which bills. Use shared financial apps and tools. Schedule regular check-ins to review your progress.
A little Advice: Regardless of how you decide to combine your money, there are a few things that are important for all of us. While one person may play the lead on your finances, don’t give up participating. You need to know what’s happening with your money and be involved in decisions that are being made. Maintain a separate savings account that is your own personal emergency fund, just in case. Don’t make impossible standards for you or your partner or you are both destined for failure. Remember, your plan doesn’t have to be permanent. Life changes and your financial approach can evolve with you.
Bring in a Pro: If money conversations become overly emotional or confusing, it may be time to bring in your financial advisor. A neutral, experienced third party can help clarify the numbers, highlight your values, and offer some structure to the discussion. Sometimes a person from the outside can be
Stay Focused on Communication: Merging money is about so much more than numbers. It’s about trust, values, and partnership. The conversations you have now will shape the financial foundation you build together. Talking about money in the beginning can feel uncomfortable but when approached with honesty and without judgment, it can be a powerful act of partnership.
Have further questions regarding merging your finances? Reach out to our team of experts today!
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