The Divorce Blame Game


by Francesca Federico CPFA®, AIF®, CDFA®, Principal and Co-Founder

When you get hurt, what is your natural instinct? For most people, it is to fight or hurt someone back. In divorce especially, it is so easy to play the blame game. Spouses fight tooth and nail to make themselves feel better.

Many couples refuse to cooperate when trying to negotiate; they try to get as much as they possibly can from the other spouse. Unfortunately, this can come at a large cost. I’ve witnessed clients spending a few million dollars to get what they want, and when they do, it’s still not enough — and they are still left feeling resentful.

Finances play a big role in most divorces. They are often at the center of the blame game, and can cause a lot of anger and frustration. Ideally, those going through divorce work with a financial professional right from the start. A financial advisor can help you make sense out of what might seem like a nightmare, and bring a positive outlook. It is very helpful to get an outside perspective and have someone to turn to when negotiations get emotional and costly.

When I work with clients, the first thing we try to do together is get rid of all that anger and resentment. It not only affects their emotional state, but also their decision-making ability, and their relationships with friends and family. I work with my clients to focus that energy someplace positive in order to make a difference in their new lives.

A good advisor helps you understand how much you could potentially gain by staying away from the blame game and moving forward with separation. It’s easier when you have someone outlining the steps and working with you to get you to the other side. Most importantly, find an advisor who understands your situation and has your best interests at heart.

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